Apr 11, 2009

The evil in me (a retourne)

too conscious to evolve am i
under his sly, scrutinous eyes
they survive on  eternal seduction
for him no bell tolls, for he no longer dies

under his sly, scrutinous eyes
i lay defeated in unholy highs
as Satan's spider twines and swings
an evil gossamer binds my wings

they survive on eternal seduction
his proverbial snake at the alter of suffocation
his action impromptu, my wrath undefined
i lay in chaos, my ideals crucified

for him no bell tolls, for he no longer dies
for all that is evil in my dark insides
is a manifestation of him, a hungry parasite
he is in me and i am his host entwined!

***

P.S: This was my first attempt at a retourne, inspired by Kartz!

37 comments:

sawan said...

vinnie!! thts a masterpiece!! woww. its simply awesome.. a retourne sure looks interesting to try!! and tough too :)

sawan said...

yeyy, me first me first :)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Wow!! totally OHT.. earlier I used to understand at least the feeling behind the write up.. but this time totally stumped!!

sawan ke bachhe.. itna praise kar ra hai.. jara mera ko b samjhana iska matlab!!

Chronicwriter said...

no wonder eve ate the apple.. hold a sec


eve herself is the serpent?

so the serpent ate the apple!!

vinnie! eavvalavu spppbera poem ellaam eludhureenga madhaaam.. sooperappu


www.chronicwriter.com

Vinnie said...

Sawan
u first! here eclairs for u >O< >O<:)
thanks for liking this retourne, it was quite taxing to repeat n then take the narrative/theme forward...Do try it man..all the best:)

ST
samajnewali baath nahi hain..bus feel karo:):) tum aur tumhare andar wala shaitan..he he ha ha ha!

Chriz
ammam..all beings r one:)
i am the apple as well as the mango:)
the Tamil sounds like compliments, if yes then
{:)}
else
{ $^%&$# )
whats 'eludhureenga' ??

Amal Bose said...

this is my first visit to your blog..
loved it..
im going thru ur earlier posts..

Kartz said...

Gothic. Riveting. Subterranean.

The said evil is part of everyone. It is the amount of influence that has the final say.

Beautifully conveyed. And I thank you for linking me to your composition.

Blogrolling you with your consents.

@Sawan
Bro'... High time you churned out one, too. :)

Peace. Have a wonderful weekend.

CM-Chap said...

Hey Awesome.... I read this part of it again and again...

for all that is evil in my dark insides
is a manifestation of him, a hungry parasite
he is in me and i am his host entwined

Richness in the words, swept me away

karmanna said...

vins, translation or subtitle in angrezzi please..
standing along with ST and not able to know how evil u r .......

jungle book ka kuch kahani he kya...

turandh reply karoo...

iss mahine ka rupayya ye chitti ki sath bejj raha huu...
maa aup bappu ko pranam ....
school se sidha ghar aanna ...
bakki sab tik hee.....

kanagu said...

I didn't understood anything :(

searching for my dictionary.. will be back :)
and the header is cool.. but not as good as previous one..

Ragpicker said...

too conscious to evolve am i
under his sly, scrutinous eyes
they survive on eternal seduction
for him no bell tolls, for he no longer dies <--- So damn true !! I can relate to every word of it

i lay in chaos, my ideals crucified <-- this is the best line I have heard in a long time now - Vinnie by far this is the best poetic work of yours according to me. I'm astonished , wrapped by your lines pervasively and its been almost 10 times now I have read this poem since yesterday before I could come up with the right words to comment. :)

Amazing - loved it over and over again !!!

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Kangau - give me 5 dude.. if you get to understand it.. please explain it to me as well :))

Scattered Thoughts... said...

karmanna - u too? give me 5... lets make a club here with a humble appeal to intellectauls preaent here to write some thing which we lesser mortals can understand :)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

and yes, chithi mast hai bhai :D apne ko to aise he post chaiye bhai

Anonymous said...

@ST
:D

Velu said...

Hey Vinnie!

Thanks for dropping by and commenting! was great to see you again and your blog has grown so much and I see that there are no dearth of comments! :)

Wish you the best of health.

Cheers,
Velu

Arv said...

Hi Vinnie...

This poem says a lot about of the immortal struggle that souls are meant to fight within :)
nice one mate...

take care mate... cheers...

p.s. lol@Chriz

Vinnie said...

Amal,
Welcome man, hope u like what i scrap here...otherwise its a big risk to nervous breakdown (read below comments:))

Kartz
thanks to u for introducing me to Retourne style...abt blogrolling me, ur decision entirely..tomo dont blame me!

CM-chap
gosh! my words have swept u away...r u back? :)! pls come back n hopefully i can sweep u away again:) thanks man!

Vinnie said...

Priy Karmanna ji
Maa bapu ko pranam
chotu ko mera pyaar
dadu ko ek dairy milk
aur aapko der saara maar :)

kyonki main bahuth 'evil' hun
kyonki main 'shaitaan ki bacchi' hun...kyonki mujhe aise poetry likhkar aapko tang karne ka iradha hain:) :)

jungle book ka saransh is poem mein daalne ki meri choti si koshish:)

just loved ur reaction n ur letter is too good !! promise i will write something for u soon...maaf karo bhai!

Vinnie said...

Kanagu
hehhehee..u n ur dictionary !!
u never come back, i know:)

n thanks for ur frank feedback on my new header..kya kare bhai?
i wanted to show Pooh along with gang meaning me with all of u pic...i had one such earlier too...anyways, headers keep changing in my space...so long..

Vinnie said...

Rags,

thats it for me! u have crowned this to be my best work...i plan to retire:)
thanks a million, buddy...the reading it nearly 10 times is a definite 'high' for me...hic hic!

frankly, its just a one-off moment when my head is empty, no more thoughts get generated. i felt the evil within me stopping me from myself n some words come from outside n my fingers start writing...yes, i wrote this in my notebook:) :) Satan only knows what happens next...

Rags, hope u really liked this piece so much....means a lot to me!
do keep visiting me always :)

Vinnie said...

ST n ur anonymous dost
tainu ki problem hain yaar...pls mainu bata do...tussi post math pado na...koi zabardasti hain??

Anonymous
Karthik ah ??? yenna kanna...u r not studying for ur exams da...yeddike ippidi naa post padichitt time waste pandringe ????
hope my Tamil was superb as usual:)

Velu
i felt nice to see u again too:) Indiblogger zindabad:) thanks for ur wishes n wish u too :)

Vinnie said...

Arv
thanks for ur visit n kind words:)

Chriz, the birthday boy :)may he live long to make us laugh long:)

Vinnie said...

Karmanna aka Eeyore
this is so sweet of u...i'm so sorry i missed this man...just love this video..n eeyore, pls cheer up now!!
guys, pls check this cute little eeyore number here:

http://karmanna.blogspot.com/2009/04/hi-friends.html

ApocalypsE said...

Awesome yaar...

TTFN tata for now...

Vinnie said...

Nirmal
thanks...but why TTFN tata, u mean u plan to come back with a gun to shoot me for writing this???

(TTFN - Terrible to Follow Network)

kanagu said...

oh Vinnie... what u have said.. I won't come back.. :( *sob* *sob*

see, I will understand it and post a comment soon :)

Scrawler said...

Its a herculean task!Nice work :-)

Raghav said...

Very nice, dark, like something i would write.
loved it.

ApocalypsE said...

u guys were talking about eeyore... thats what he says doesnt he?
TTFN tata for now...

karmanna said...

:))
thanks a lot !!!

scrawler back to active service?
nice to see u back ...

Unknown!!! said...

I always wonder..how some one could write poems..I envy them...
Thanks a lot for the shower of comments :)

Vinnie said...

Kanaguam waiting....:)

ScrawlerThank u!!

Raghav:):) thanks man!

NirmalTigger says that:)
n i was talking in context of readers who couldnt follow this poem n wished to shoot the hell out of me:)
Ta Ta For Now !!!

Karmannaaap most welcome saar!

Unknown!!fools rush in where angels fear to tread :):)
i too envy them..thanks yaar

kanagu said...

/*i wanted to show Pooh along with gang meaning me with all of u pic...*/

thats nice of you Vinnie :) We are happy :) now the header is too good :)

and for the poem..

this is what I understood..

you(maybe somebody) are under a man's strict control.. but his evil practices itself gets into you..

correct me if I am wrong :)

kanagu said...

@ST

above is the understanding of mine.. sorry of replying late

Vinnie said...

Kanagu!!!Whoaaa..u got it..nothing to correct except that, that man is Satan or Devil, who is as much a part of us as much as God is:)

kanagu said...

atlast I got it :D I am happy :)

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