What every woman must know…

OK! I’m no expert nor am I doing any research on what women must know, have or do to be happy. This is just my collective experience as a human and especially as a woman to be happy in these stressful and fast times. And of course, it is not only for women readers, men too can take a cue to understand women better and hopefully keep their wives, mothers, sisters and above all girlfriends happy! Firstly, we are also Homo sapiens just like men and not any lesser in any way other than a few curves here and there and the obvious absence of excessive body hair. We cry when we are happy too - we are wired that way. We give birth to men and nourish them with our blood and that too joyfully. Just for that, we need respect and a sense of awareness of who we really are. Sadly, men don’t want to accept our strength and so deem that we are from ‘Venus’!

Here are a few things I can recollect and I’m sure you guys have more.

1) A Smile – Every woman needs to keep a smile in her heart always which will reflect on her face. The smile makes us feel good about ourselves and enhances our appeal. It is not easy to keep smiling in our hearts if our hearts are injured so the next tips are about how to have a ‘happy’ heart!

2) Forgiveness – Again, this is the first thing we need to know - our hearts should be filled with only love and not hatred. A ‘love-filled’ heart is a ‘happy’ heart! Forgive men for they know not what they do – should be our motto!

3) A girlfriend – A close friend from ‘Venus’ is the sure shot way to a healthy heart. She should be ready to meet you even in her pajamas and oil champi, if need be. Both of you can serve each other better than empty walls and beds.

4) A friend from ‘Mars’! – A close male friend with whom we are not romantically involved is a wonderful experience. We not only understand ourselves better but also our ‘male’ partners better too. No more ending up with fights related to conversations about our dream vacation while our partners would be dreaming about watching the FIFA cup live! That’s just how they are wired –So we refer to them as ‘Martians’!

5) Shopping – Whoever coined the term ‘Retail therapy’ must be The Goddess herself! Shopping helps us heal anytime and especially after a break-up. Anyways, most of us lose so much weight in grieving that we need a whole new wardrobe!

6) A cute teddy bear – This one I need not explain, one must experience a close friend in a teddy – he never abandons you, loves you just the way you are – un-waxed, un-threaded, a little moustache, a little stubble whatever – you are always his princess!

7) A bar of chocolate – Need any explanation here? Its not ‘diamonds’ but ‘chocolates’ that are a woman’s best friend. Every woman should carry a bar of chocolate on her at all times and especially during that time of the month.

8) Surprise gifts – Every woman should gift sweet surprises just like that - like a warm hug, a charm, a trinket, a junk ear ring, a musical box, a little singing birdie, a gift coupon, a fresh perfume, the latest lip gloss, whatever…it may not be expensive but it should be thoughtful. What goes around comes around, so ladies, be ready to receive all this in much more abundance!

9) A good book – Every woman needs to curl up with a good book. Knowledge is the only way towards empowerment and happiness. Do collect and keep a small shelf beside your dressing table and make sure that you share them with your women friends. Have at least one book of poems or quotes and one book by a woman author – they write really well!

10) A healthy bank balance – This is an area we are scared to tread but trust me we need to be financially independent no matter who we are – who’s daughter, who’s wife, who’s sister – everything is about our sense of achievement by what we earn. It really brings in a whole sense of being and gives us our freedom of self-expression like nothing else does.

11) An interesting wardrobe- Have a nice set of clothes, jewelry, cosmetics, shoes and bags all bought with the help of that close girlfriend. Accept her opinion if something you love looks horrible on you in her eyes.

12) A ‘No’ – The power to say a ‘no’ when you mean a ‘no’ is the first sign of empowerment. Do not do anything if you are not comfortable with it. Learn to say a ‘no’ even if it hurts somebody’s sentiments. We cannot please everybody. We are not super-beings.

13) Forget numbers – Yes, every woman should forget stupid numbers like her age, weight, hairfall rate, etc. These have nothing to do with a ‘happy’ heart rather if she worries with these numbers, she will only end up with high blood pressure! I gave up on my weight gain program:)

14) A little exercise regime – Every women needs to spend some time on her muscles, bones, blood circulation, etc. Even walking for half an hour adds oodles of happiness to your heart. So, ladies, go take a walk!

15) Eat whenever your hungry – This is the best thing towards a happy tummy and thus a happy heart. Trust me, our body needs food only when we are hungry or rather we feel hungry since our body needs food. Everything else like diet etc. is all humbug – bakwas…so go on attack and eat whatever!

I.P.S. (Interesting post script) : I could go on and on but these are and will be the most important ones I have experienced. Sorry about the long post but I almost feel like it’s ‘Woman’s Day’ today!! Don’t forget to share your ‘happy’ heart tips too!
Have a ‘Happy’ heart guys!

My weight-gain program!

OK, I am 6 kgs lesser than the ideal weight required as per body mass index and I too won’t tell you what my current weight or height is. Numbers are just that…senseless finite measures in an otherwise incomprehensible infinite universe! Though you may take a guess…even a moronic actor like Tusshar Kapoor can carry me but if he dares to do so, I swear I would claw him to pulp with my 1-inch nails! I am slim and daring but only not the healthy weight.

Now, coming to the weight-gain program designed by me, my action points are simple and derived from logic: Do the opposite of everything that is prohibited in all weight loss programs. So I checked Dr. Nigam’s, VLCC, Pretty slim clinic and a few others with quite impressive punchlines ‘Lose 8 kgs in 45 days or your money back’!! All they talk about is proper controlled diet and hell loads of exercises. So, it’s got to be the ‘eat and eat till you drop to sleep’ mantra for me then! What happened later is another story…

I have been gulping just about everything ever since I became aware of being underweight to the point that I got digestion related disorders, lactose-intolerance related disorders and not to mention my extreme affinity towards ‘rich’ foods – I began having a bar of chocolate every other day! Sadly, nothing had worked to the point required and I had been able to gain only one kilogram. One kg may be significant when you are in a weight loss program but trust me its nothing in a weight-gain one! Even stretch jeans look comfort fit on me.

But, me the woman of substance err the woman of slightly-less-substance was firm in her conviction. She believed that ‘Where there is ghee, there is also loads of fat gleefully settling around her for nonstop gossip” Many beauty conscious women avoid ghee so I thought this is perfect for me. I started dreaming about all the fat I’m about to gain, what women would say when I pass by : ‘Hey, look at her…she’s got it all man…all that plump and curves...I wonder how she got it?’ and all the south Indian movie directors making an offer to me – I would be their next plump heroine starring opposite Rajnikanth! Imagine me dancing and jingling all that adipose and becoming an instant heart throb of the south Indian men in the country that’s nearly 50 % of the Indian male population! WOW! Also, all the channels would be vying for my interview, my ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures would be shown by worried mothers to their teenage daughters who have been corrupted by Kareena and her senseless size zero; the plump me would be the new youth icon (female)!

Ghee it was that finally worked, but only a few grams. Stretch jeans still look comfort fit. I do sleep more with all that ghee but my constantly active brain like a cloud of mosquitoes buzzing over you on a night safari breaks down all that adipose into God knows what…I still can’t find much fat! I still look like ‘Laurel’ when I am with real ‘Hardy’s’.

Then it dawned on me. What my mom really wanted to say all these months and what she ended up actually telling me!! She always referred to my married friends, relatives, and neighbors and never failed to make a special mention of their post-marriage physique which was the ideal one. This means the only way for me to gain was to get married. Now, how can I even think of ‘doing it as a weight-gain exercise’ without getting married? Sounds exciting but hell, no..can’t indulge in it, I am better off looking like Olive Oyl…surely there’s a Popeye waiting for me somewhere…sometime! Ok Dreamland again!! Maybe, Pierce Brosnan, that hot Bond – his wife is really huge now:) The World is Not Enough!! Tomorrow Never Dies!!!

Dreamland zindabad...

Remembering Winnie the Pooh!

Today is Winnie the Pooh day!

................so a little history and some quotes (my favorites usually!) in celebration of this day. This most endearing bear was created by A.A Milne born on January 18, 1882 and named after a toy bear owned by his son, Christopher Robin Milne. Pooh's friends which include other popular characters such as Piglet, Eeyore, Tigger, Kanga and Roo were also based on Christopher's stuffed animals. Winnie the Pooh stories were set at Ashdown Forest in East Sussex known as the hundred acre woods. Original versions of Winnie the Pooh stories were brought into beautiful illustrations by E.H. Shepard.

Besides being a very lovable bear adored by children, Winnie the Pooh's clear-eyed wisdom also won the hearts of adults. I'm honored to share some of Pooh's quotes hoping it will touch you there and remain !

“Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.”

“Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.”

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.”

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."

"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."

"Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known."

"When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."

"It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" :)

Even decades after his first appearance, the Pooh Bear continues to steal the hearts of young and old alike. I heard they are bringing him again to Ashdown forest with a sequel but the magic may be missing! Enjoy Pooh day!

Pinocchio – A Book Review

OK! I finally finally did it and I must say it’s a milestone achievement. All I ever knew was that he was a wooden puppet named ‘Pinocchio’ and that his nose grew longer every time he lied. But who was he? Why was he made of wood? Was ‘Pinocchio’ his real name? Where did he live? Who were his friends? Why did he lie? – These and many more mysteries intrigued me until now. Thanks to a free reading session at the neighboring ‘Crossword’ bookshop, I can now say I’m Pinocchio enlightened!

Conceived by the renowned ‘Carlo Lorenzini’, the Italian children’s writer in ‘The Adventures of Pinocchio’ that first appeared in an Italian children’s newspaper, it slowly caught on the imagination of the world and ‘Pinocchio’ lives on to see many an interesting adventure for himself and children alike.

The story makes for some interesting mix of characters, an engaging plot and an inspiring moral towards fulfillment of a dream. It revolves around ‘Pinocchio’, a wooden puppet carved by Geppetto, a carpenter who makes wooden toys in a simple Italian village somewhere in the 1800’s when life was full of meaning and hope. Now, our hero ‘Pinocchio’ aspires to be a real boy!

A series of adventures carved towards teaching values forms the central theme. A lucid, heart warming tale with a string of characters touch ‘Pinocchio’ and his readers in every adventure. And yes, eventually, Pinocchio does become a real boy and lives on with Geppetto ‘happily ever after’ !

I am fortunate to have read the book and wish to share my learning’s thereby. So, here are some beautiful points to ponder upon:

1. A dream however impossible can be achieved but you need to be patient.

2. Life is a wise Teacher who knows that you don’t know and teaches you whatever you need to know.

3. You will be punished if you try to fulfill your dreams the shorter way.

4. You will be forgiven at once when you are feeling sorry from your heart.

5. Fairies are the guiding forces in nature. Believe in them for your own good!

What started off as a newspaper story now lives on in my heart!

A Second Chance!

brushes dried up in solitude

dusty boards are idling by

fragile thoughts sway so often

i let sow; now i wonder why


the gates of gold shined through

in all their majestic glory

a thousand beams of hope lit up

but my dreams, alas i gave up


i gave in to the devil within

as temptation clawed me so

i knew the road was not for me

but the simplest as one could see


show me a way as soon as can be

to buy back my soul, my spirit, my being

o lord, do not take me as i am

but take me as you want me to be


in You, my dream was born,

around You, i made it dance

o please forgive, do not abandon me

as all i need is a second chance!

My first commissioned artwork!

OK! I am no cartoonist but a good friend managed to make me one! It so happened that yesterday he sent his photograph with a strange request to make his portrait knowing very well that I’m not a portrait artist. Therefore, don’t accuse me of making faces – it’s not my my bread and butter! I worked hard towards achieving a museum-worthy portrait piece but his face triggered innate cartoonist skills instead. So, this is what happened…

Fig a: Photograph

Fig b: Photograph (modified) 

(added stubble to reflect growth while sleeping and also that he felt the previous one lacked resemblance. As for me, both of them lack any resemblance!) 

 

Fig c: Cartoon

Claimer: Any resemblance to the photograph is purely unintentional. In case of discrepancies, please attribute it to ‘artistic liberty’. Please give your valuable feedback and remember ‘It’s easy to make cartoons but difficult to make a cartoon character’- a quote by some famous cartoonist. But I have managed to create not only a ‘cartoon character’ but also a cartoon in my first portrait piece. Enjoy!

Lessons learnt in the year gone by…

1) Never be obsessed with your name; it’s just a dead asset which never appreciates or depreciates in value no matter how beautiful your name is! The final judgment is not based on your name; rather it’s what you have achieved to live up to it.


2) A friend forever in need is a foe indeed! In fact, a foe can be dealt with but these – they can be classified rather as ‘parasitic organisms’ that believe in living off the sweet nectar prepared by some busy bees like you while they go fluttering awhile. You the busy bee wouldn’t even know what’s been eating you from within!


3) Never trust a woman’s tears; chances are that you would take an altogether dangerous path in the process of wiping them away – a path which no man has dared to ever take in an otherwise tranquil state of mind, and then realize that the path is a one way and her tears: the perpetual waterworks gifted to her as an organ of offence and defense.


4) Sympathy is the most inhuman emotion; not even for your enemy should you show any sympathy. Every one of us wants a fair fight, a fair strife, a fair share - no matter which side we are on…even the physically challenged! Never confuse sympathy towards a friend as ‘love’: it is everything but love which springs from respect and acknowledgement of man’s true potential.


5) Look at the donkey seriously. It carries burden without any appreciation or expectation of concern ever, moreover it never complains, though tired and moves on in the present state as if there is no tomorrow. Next time, be grateful if someone calls you an ‘ass’ and direct them to this post!


6) Forgiveness is difficult but the only path to freedom, agreed! So, always start forgiveness as a ‘down payment’ followed by monthly installments. This attitude to ‘forgive’ always works than trying to forgive all at once, which more often leaves open scars. Who knows, in the process…one day forgiveness might come as a natural response to hurt!


7) Learn respect for duty as a higher form of love from the trees. Trees will live only silently; do their duty without a sigh - never heard of a tree that stopped giving sweet fruits since some insane human cut its branches or cut it off altogether. The tree is wise enough to gift its wood for our shelter as if its fruits are not sufficient reciprocal to mankind’s barter.


8) Kidnapping a child is not always bad. A child when it is a prostitute’s one especially should be kidnapped and gifted to ‘childless’ couples. There is no other ‘shameful’ childhood than being a whore’s kid even malnutrition and nakedness can be outgrown but the shame associated with such roots always leads to ‘dis-associated’ adults.


9) I will fail at first, maybe second, maybe many more times; but same was the case with Einstein, Newton and other ‘normal’ geniuses. Every idea or thought has its purpose already defined before originating. A time will come when that idea or thought has fulfilled its purpose; in whose action has it fulfilled its purpose is nobody’s matter. So carry on, be humble. I am just a vehicle.


10) Never take a loan. Being in debt is akin to donating your spine to the devil, neither the devil wants to return it nor will it be returned in all its glory. The only loan we have to accept and continue to repay is that of our Mother’s womb, no amount however large is sufficient enough to tilt the balance in our favor!


11) All energy or matter that forms our beautiful world listens. If I have got pain, it is because I asked for it. Now on, I will ask only for happiness and cease my analysis and judgments for once. God is our loving father indeed!


12) Rub my slate clean. Start afresh. Even a scribble here and there and I will never set out to do whatever I originally intended. So, wishing you all a Fresh New Year!