Nov 24, 2008

Unnamed, incurable, embarassing, chronic mental disorder

Vin was the most brightest star in this side of the hemisphere and an apostle of the innocents, until the bugs got her. The bugs of the 'Untitled, incurable, embarassing, chronic mental disorder'. One may ask 'What? Who? Where? How?'. All answers lie ahead...Read at your own risk!

The seeds were sown in kindergarten itself. Tiny, innocent toddlers like me were taught to associate new words with similar stuff to aid memory. Little vin enjoyed this game, little did she know that the seeds were germinating!! Every new word had a little relative. One fine day, vin was no more a toddler..she had blossomed! Now, can one blame her for what occured after that, she associated 'interesting' words, of course to aid her memory, alas now these memories wont fade soon...Associations should be technically based on sound, color, feel, smell but here they were usually baseless, illogical, totally irrelevant ones. Some are her own associations while some of them have been transmitted unawares. Nevertheless, she struggles with these growing collectibles and posting them ensures a light wink in her eye. So, here goes...

All teenagers dread this emotionally depressing monster, I did too. I'm talking about 'pimples', Only my germs associated it somehow with 'nipples', dont ask me why. The germs have multiplied and now only associate in one lane. Side effects include utter disgust at all 'pimple reduction/control/removal' creams. One horrible incident: a guy asked for solution for his pimples, I eagerly said 'Just have a lot of cooling stuff, your nipples would disappear!'
I wished to disappear...

A dear friend is always 'associating' the word 'prosecuted' with 'prostituted'. No logic, right? Wrong, the germs know better. These germs are 'gems' in illogical, embarassing link-ups. All boards with 'Trespassers will be prosecuted' becomes 'Trespassers will be prostituted!', whatever that means. Holy Christ, I will never trespass! This dear friend has associated another gem. A question like 'What are the pros and cons of this method?' becomes a story about prostitutes and conmen!! He sure loves our munni bai's and munshiji's from bollywood.

Another dear friend, this time a 'she', has compelled me to forgo one of my favorite musicians - Kenny G. Not her fault though, its her vernacular tongue.Our most popular, beloved three-lettered word 'sex' becomes 'sax'. When I listened to Kenny G, I usually imagined him with his 'Saxophone' in his mouth, but after that it only looks like an instrument of 'Sex'!
The germs are in their most active state.

Once I saw a very beautiful painting of two pigeons. Only later I realised to my horror, that the beautiful painting was actually a topless woman!! The germs are busy at work. All mentions of pigeons in prose, poetry, peace talks, images of them carrying twigs and paintings especially make me sore. The topless woman scares me! Am sure the germs are winking now.

All sutra ending words associate automatically with the 'Kamasutra', the germs know better. I wonder how i'll ever wear the Mangal Sutra.

Kohinoor Continental is not just a 'Gem' of a hotel in my area, its rather an embarassing one. Even while taking an auto, I have to tell the poor chap 'Kohinoor Continental Hotel jaana hain', lest he take me elsewhere. The germs have etched the kohinoor ads with permanent marker. That chap might be innocent, but my germs arent na!

And, did I say this is an extremely contagious disorder? The malfunctioning germs from the writers cranium immediately transmit themselves onto the readers cranium via brain waves during the process of reading. This survival strategy ensures healthy (read embarassment-causing), more effective and treatment-resistant progeny.

Congratulations, you've caught the bug too!!

P.S: Now that I've infected you, I better compensate with my beauty tip from the kitchen.

B for Besan: Besan is the hindi equivalent for chickpea flour. If the fallout of a sunny day at the beach is an unwanted tan, fret not! All you have to do is mix besan, a few drops of lemon juice and curds. Apply it to your face and other tanned parts of your body. Leave it on till it dries and rinse of with cool water. Repeat this procedure for 10 days.
Oh, BTW....Besan is dead effective against pimples!

25 comments:

Scribblers Inc said...

that is the most weirdest! but made for some intresting reading! :D

Scribblers Inc.

Vin said...

@scribblers inc. - Well! thanks so much for that.so glad, atleast one soul found it interesting!! me was expecting eggs, tomatoes n the like:):)

Senorita said...

@ Vin... you and the germs in your head rock girl :))

Fr Jerry said...

This one is a hilarious post. Let go of your imagination and the way it germinates!? :) Your observations of language (word) twists are very good. Keep up your sharp observations. :)Glad to have read the post.

Karthik said...

If u had known Vadivel's comedy then its fr u "SHABBA IPPAVE KANNA KATHUDE!!!"

sawan said...

buhuhaha.. i am immune.. u cant infect me.. :-)

from ur kitchen, tell me how to burn fat?? i dnt wana die of cholesterol, not at this early age.. and mind u, i dont wana diet..

Karthik said...

Kalakura Vin.. New theme... Pramaadam (Fantastic) Heard there s a terrorist attack n Mumbai.. S everyting fine thr nw???

Karthik said...

Cud u see me the website address fr blog themes??

Vin said...

Senorita, its the germs who rock, not me:)

Fr. Jerry, thanks so much for that. to make u laugh is quite a feat!!

Sawan saar, u r already infected, hahhahhahaa:):) n my tip for burning cholesterol would be 'Avoid eggs n other protein' & 'Do some PHYSICAL excersices'...only blogging whole day makes Sawan a dull boy:)

Vin said...

Karthik saar,

Firstly, me n all r fine, what to do? neither bullet, nor bomb dares to touch our thick skins here:) Pls do pray for those affected.

yeah, i do know 'Vadivel', who would miss him in Tamil Nadu!!
but i would be glad if u enlighten me on that 'very serious sentence' !!am sure its a gem!

Nanri saar, there r so many sites offering free blogger templates, i dont know which u would like...just put a search in google, after going thru thousands, i finally finalised on this one, since it had a masthead which i liked so much n went very well with my central concept of 'thoughts' !!
mine is from 'http://btemplates.com/, if that helps in any way:)
All the best for ur exams, TC

Scrawler said...

Vins..check my latest post in workings of my mind

Karthik said...

SHABBA menas Oh my God.. Like hw u say Huff and Huff aftr a long run...

IPPAVE means Now itself

KANNA means Eye

KATHUDE means ROLLING

So OH MY GOD NOW ITSELF EYE ROLLING..... On readin ur post..

Scrawler said...

ha ha...vins..how about pimples&ripples?

Scattered Thoughts... said...

vin - where were the germs when you were writing the title of post.. so many interesting words and no associations :)

sawan - when its public that bharatmatrimony has refused your registration (scrawler, please support me otherwise this man is not going to agree on it) why do you need to burn the fat ;)

Scrawler said...

ha ha...i second you ST.

Vin said...

Scrawler: checking now...pimples & ripples??? hahhahhaa, that would be a new disorder:)

Scattered thoughts: the germs r normally quite dormant!! sometimes they flare up:) btw, where were u? some infection??

Scrawler & ST: guys, leave the poor single philosopher alone, wont u? he wants to be the fittest Freud ever!

Karthik: Shabba!! Appdiya a? ippo puriyum :)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

vin - I was sent to attend some stupid marriage in relatives (thanks to dad who didn't want to attend it ;) and like all marriages I also received lots of free advices from so called senior citizens in my family to get settled.. ahhh.. can't help it..

have you guys heard of that old joke

"I used to hate weddings. All the old dears would poke me and say, 'you're next.'

They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals."

so I am also thinking of some thing like that :)

scrawler - Thanks. I knew I can count on you :)

sawan - sorry buddy.. enough of leg pulling now.. but I saw you have actually placed a link to shaadi.com in your blog.. wow.. its extreme case..

Vin said...

ST: hahhahhaa.. i've heard that one..funny in a serious way..so i'm sure u have lots of posts coming up with ur 'experiences' !!! looking forward to them :)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

vin - yeah.. I think its time to share my encounters with gang :)so stay tuned !!

Vin said...

yeah ST, very much tuned we are, no doubts on that..but Sawan seems to be slightly out of tune??? what did u guys do to my dear philospher friend?? seems to be working more than necessary!!

Scattered Thoughts... said...

yeah.. that is what I was wondering.. guess he is also on hunting or encounters.. :) fed up of me and scrawler..

sawan said...

vins, u know wut, m giving all my energy to read and think and write :-) m such a genius.. ;-) ill go to gym only after i start getting food and sleep on time :-(

Vin said...

Sawan saar, u better eat well and on time and do sleep well and on time. thats very important for all of us. We are all friends and guides but no philosophers!!!

Work hard buddy! When is ur week off??

Scattered Thoughts... said...

sawan - where were you bud.. I was about to publish an appeal - dear sawan, come back soon.. blogville main koi tumhe kuch nai kahega and me and scrawler will stop our stupid jokes about BM ;)

anyways its good to see you back.. is it those crazy times in office when boss and clients are screaming, deadlines are really deadning (I know there is no word like that but you got my point, right?)

anunabridgedlife said...

Great post Vin, you are ilarious. I was n the floor laughing. I had tell my friend the pimple story when he got amused at my laughing

@ST great joke. Hearing it for thefirst time.

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